Hello, I'm doing this out of desperation. I'm the result of somewhat traumatic experiences, domestic violence, abandonment, loss, fear... I've become a beautiful woman, in the eyes of others, with everything I need to be successful, fulfilled and happy. Because of my past and my traumas, I became a very anxious, panicky person who easily fell in love with the wrong people and places, creating emotional dependency and dreams that never came true. While I only wanted to feel loved, happy and build something beautiful, I found lies, omissions, betrayals and narcissistic personalities on whom I became completely dependent. In the search for perfection so that they would love me, and in the lack of love for myself and others, I created Band-Aids to cover up my pain and emptiness. The only control I felt in my life was when I had some money in my hand and bought something. The act of buying meant that I could control something in my life and give myself pleasure, pleasure that quickly passed leaving a trail of self-destruction and regret. But it became an addiction and a vicious circle and, in order to fill my emotional void, I kept asking for credit to pay for credit and so on and so forth. Today I'm more mentally balanced, I'm in therapy and I'm looking for a new direction for my life, but I'm trapped by debts that I can no longer pay off. Organisations refuse to help me and I have nowhere else to turn. My mum has helped me as much as she can, but there's always some extra expense, and I'm in the dark again and this time I have nowhere else to turn. I'm thinking of selling my house to pay off everything I owe and start from scratch, but my house is the only thing I've managed to get on my own with the sweat of my labour... The fact that I'm paying twice as much has also made the situation very complicated and I'm afraid that, in addition to my personal loans, I'm also going to default on my mortgage. But I'm willing to do anything if I can't find another solution, even if it means living in a campsite for a while. Dark ideas have been running through my mind, I feel ashamed, humiliated, I feel that in 39 years I haven't managed to build anything, only to destroy. And all because I only wanted to feel love... But I don't blame anyone. I'm to blame for my irresponsibility, for having taken steps bigger than my legs and not having thought that one day this could happen, when I found myself really alone and without anyone to turn to. This is my last attempt before I lose the rest of my dignity, before I give up living like this. In fear. In suffocation. In total panic. Please, for God's sake, help me pay what I owe so I can try to recover my health and start living again. I just want to pay everything I owe and not have to default every month... And at least be able to buy food. My job can no longer pay for everything. My addiction created by my suffering has brought me here and I'm desperate... Help me to live again. Maybe it's too late to live my dreams, create a family, have a home, but not to live in balance, treat myself and learn to love myself above all. Help me...