Hello, first of all, thank you very much for your time for me. This is important

When writing to and starting to create a new goal, I have ten thoughts and feelings in my head.

I suppress the fear that I will be a laughing stock, I feel relieved that he is opening up, but does anyone understand me?

Anxiety because what will happen to me, who will I be, what will I carry and what will I leave behind?

Are there any limits in life? Honestly, I do not know. Time after time, my limit rushes deeper into the side of destruction.

It's me

stay there for at least 8-12 years. These were the last good moments of my entire life. Then everything started going bad and worse.

My parents fell into alcoholism and the problems kept coming full circle. It took its toll on me, at school, from being an exemplary student to a constant cluster of fear before classes.

School causes further problems, and then it's just probation officers, psychologists, courts, police...

Nearly two years since problems at home affected by parental rights fell into the hands of the child. Or strangers.

aying in an orphanage that touches me, for a long time, through the whole environment, like in schools where their friends are. I don't know if I can trust anyone again.

This is partly the case today.

When I was 16, my father and although I had a lot of further acting, but it was my further one and I got another blow to the heart.

At the age of 18, he left the facility with the understanding that he would finally come back to life, only good decisions were available, that he would finally find his lost peace somewhere.

But I got happy too soon...

The apartment we were taken to was completely destroyed, there were no living conditions or standards, it was a total mess. I had to do everything to ensure order.

For some time I felt that it could be brought in, the apartment calmed down as it could be done. One day there was an accident at work with a dangerous nerve that did not recover fully functional in the node.

Last year I managed to save some money to go abroad to work and earn a little more, but it ended up that I couldn't even return to the country with suitcases 2,000 km from home.

After returning to the country, I started working again and currently I work in Biedronka.

When I thought that things wouldn't get any worse, the probation officer visited me at home and handed me a letter about the debt of the apartment amounting to over PLN 20,000 ( 5000 euro ) during the period in which I was staying at the facility. My bank account has also been seized and they are sending letters requesting a list of assets. But what kind of peace did they take away?

ll this makes me feel powerless as a person, whatever I do, it always comes back like a boomerang.

I'm ashamed of myself and I'm ashamed to ask for help, but I know I can't handle it all on my own. I've never had to ask for help but now I have to scream for it :/