Barbarának hívnak és augusztusban betöltöttem az 53. évemet. Tragikus életutam legfájdalmasabb pillanata volt, amikor 2000 szeptember 6-án elveszítettem a 20 hónapos kisfiamat, aki egy műtéti beavatkozás következtében, a kezeim között vérzett el egy magyar klinikán. 12 évvel később, az utána született kisfiamnál, csontrákot diagnosztizáltak.

Kegyetlen éveket csináltunk végig.

Két gyermekem van jelenleg, akik felnőttek.

A sok megélt fájdalom hatására a házasságom tönkrement, mivel a gyász szétválasztott minket a férjemmel, akivel a kulturánk, és az országunk, vallásunk is eltérő volt.

5 évvel ezelőtt megismertem az új páromat, akivel 4. éve élünk együtt. Neki nincs gyermeke.

3 évvel ezelőtt, amikor 50 éves voltam belevágtunk egy lombik programba, mert nagyon szerettünk volna egy kisbabát, és én rettenetesen vágyom egy boldog, sikeres várandósságra és egészséges kisbabára. Sajnos az életkorom miatt sem Magyarországon, sem a környező Brno-ban, Pozsonyban sem fogadtak már, gyakorlatilag csak Cyprusra mehettünk, annak a török részére. 5 donoros lombikprogramot csináltunk végig, ahol szinte minden megtakarításunk elfogyott. Az elsőnél ikerterhes lettem, de sajnos másfél hónappal később elvetéltem. Ezt követően két ún. kémiai terhességem volt, kettőnél pedig el sem indult a beágyazódás folyamata.

Szerettem volna egy precízebb, professzionálisabb lombikcentrumba kerülni, ahol még fogadnak ebben az életkorban is, így ajánlással jutottam el Dr Robert Kiltz klinikájára, az amerikai Syracuse-ba. Jelenleg 4 lombikon vagyunk túl ott is, amelyből az utolsó majdnem sikerült. Ismét, ahogy korábban is, elindult a terhesség, de elhalt. (Üres petezsák szindróma a neve) Jelenleg az 5. kinti beavatkozásra készülünk, de teljesen eladósodtunk az eddigi procedúra és a donor petesejtek megvásárlása miatt, amelynek darabja 500 usd. eddig 20 darabot vettünk, amelyből 10 embrió készült, és beültetésenként 2-t használtunk fel. Jelenleg a kiutazási költségek, repülőjegyek, és a gyógyszerek, vizsgálatok költségei is nagy megterhelést jelentenek a családunknak, pedig nagyon szeretnék még néhány próbálkozáson részt venni és alig várom, hogy egy kisbabát a karjaimban tartsak. Ehhez mindent megteszek, amit az orvosaim javasoltak, így például teljesen karbantartom a diabéteszemet diétával és gyógyszerekkel, életmódot váltottam, lefogytam stb.

Minden álmom jelenleg egy boldog anyaszerep. Kérem, ha ebben segítenének, támogassák céljainkat! Minden apró segítségért is hálás vagyok nagyon!

Hy, my name is Barbara.

Our true painful story started after my second son, Nail, was diagnosed with leukemia. He was only 14 month old. He was born very overweight, because nobody diagnosed me a Gestational Diabetes. He was 5280 gram and 59 centimeters tall, and the doctor in the hospital did not give me permission for a C-section. I cried and begged him, but I had to give birth to him the natural way. This was the first big medical malpractice in our life.

Nail responded well to oncology treatment, but because they noticed too late that had leukemia, had metastasis in his right ear. After 6 month of chemotherapy the doctors decided to do a surgery in his ear. He was 20 month old. After a surgery in the emergency room, in an adult hospital he passed away in my arm, because he lost too much blood during the surgery. The second big medical malpractice cost him his life. The surgeon thinked that this was not a cancer, but only an infection, and did not close the wound and was not placed to shunt. He didn't suture the wound to drain pus, but it was a bleeding tumor. There was no doctor next to us in the patient room, so I shouted in vain for help. His last words were: “Mom.” A part of me died that day too with him.

In the following year, I had my third son, Rinat, whose name means rebirth. I could not live happily with pregnancy and childbirth, I was deeply depressed and for 7 years I just cried and cried. 12 years later, in 2012, on the same day as my son Nail, my third son, Rinat was diagnosed with bone cancer (osteosarcoma). This black day was March 20. My first thought was, all four of us, - because we had a child seven years older too, with the name Gengis, - let's get in a car and crash into a truck and die together. I told myself: I can't do this again.

But Rinat came to me and told me: Mom, I don't wanna die. And cried. In that moment, I knew that I would fight for his life like a mother lion and be by his side until the last drop of my blood. We had no money because we live in Eastern Europe, near (border with) Austria, where salaries are very low. Now the average salary is less than 800 euro a month. I had a tremendous belief that I would collect the money to treat him if I had to, but I would take him to a civilized country to be treated. That is what happened. Finally, in England, in London, he had chemotherapy treatment and successful surgery, where he saved his leg, but he has a prosthetic metallic leg in his left leg. A metal rod is implanted from his hip to his ankle. I spent a year in the hospital with him.

Now Rinat is 23 years old and was admitted to university in the Netherlands (Arnheim), and I have been paying the school tuition and room rent for him for 1 year now. He starts his communication degree in past September. He is very smart and most importantly, he is alive!

My oldest son, Gengis, now 30, has never been able to cope with his brother's death. He has a severe borderline personality disorder, and autism, he lives in the same house with me, and I support him. He can't work because of his mental health problems and panic attacks, so I give him small jobs in my business. I am working as a coach, helping people to recover from abusive relationships.

During the tragedies, my marriage with my husband broke down because he was a Muslim and I am Christian, and the mourning kept us apart. We were both full of pain, we had no energy for each other. He also had mental health problems and lost his job.

I spent almost 20 years working with dying children and their families in the children's hospice. This is how I repented, because I could never forgive myself for not being able to protect my son from death. After 20 years, I was very tired of being surrounded by dying children.

I divorced, moved and started a new life, completely from scratch. My kids came after me. I have been working as a coach since 2018.

I worked 12-14 hours a day to pay for everything and to help my children.

In 2020, I met my current partner, Joseph, who is 17 years younger than me. He is quiet and modest, and works as an accountant. I had never received so much love from anyone, the feeling that I was important and someone hugged me every day was new to me. He has no children.

He is the most wonderful man besides my children, whom God has sent into my life. I felt like I had a chance at a new life with him. We decided to start a family and have children. Unfortunately, I was almost 50 years old at the time, so my own egg was not suitable for childbearing, so we started the IVF with a donor egg. In Hungary, the state does not allow the IVF program over the age of 42. We could only buy most of the medicine, drugs without government subsidies. In Europe, there are not many options for IVF treatment over the age of 50, and our time is running out. We ended up in the Turkish part of the capital of Cyprus (Nicosia). We had 5 IVF treatments there in 2 year, and we ran out of money, even though we both worked 16 hours a day. We had one miscarriages (6wk), 2 chemical pregnancies, and twice did not stick at all. Never was genetic testing. Nobody gives us suggestions about how to have more success in IVF. The last IVF was in Cyprus in April 2023 and I really believed it would work. Unfortunately, there was no proper medical support, and we didn't even talk to the doctor. There are 20 IVFs a day, which is done by one or two doctors.

Since the date of birth would have been the birthday of my angel son, Nailka, I considered it a heavenly sign. I was scheduled to give birth on January 3, 2024. This meant a lot to me. He was born on January 3, 1999 and died on September 6, 2000.

Unfortunately, the IVF failed again. I completely collapsed.

I started watching an American doctor, Dr. Robert Kiltz's YouTube channel every day. I wrote him a letter and he replied. I felt like I couldn't give up yet. I know we'll be in good, caring, loving hands at CNY's. For the first time in our lives, we feel that we are getting real help and care with the IVF program. More than anything, I want to have a happy and serene pregnancy and be a mother again and my partner, Joseph, to be a father for the first time in his life.

We have hope again, which has grown into faith, and thank you for being there and keeping the spirit in us.

I wrote a book to commemorate my little angel son. I couldn't publish the book - I don't know how to sell an Amazon and I not have money for marketing, but I'd be happy to send it to you in English, if you want to read our story.

I believe that the sun will smile on us and we will finally be happy together. I often dream of my little twins, a boy and a little girl... I hope this dream will come true one day and my destiny will be fulfilled.

In US, in CNY clinic, in Syracuse we had 4 failed transfer, we will have the last in few days and we need to make new embryos with an egg donor and pay the procedure and try again. For me the cost of traveling and stay in US is too much now, because with 9 IVF (FROZEN EMBYO TRANSFER) attempts in 3 years so far, I have completely indebted myself. I really want to finally hold this baby in my arms. Please help me succeed in my 10th and, if necessary, subsequent IVF program. I often don't have money for the extra recommended medications and treatments. I am grateful for any help!

I would like to spend the money on the costs of the donor egg and the IVF procedure, which is about EUR 16 000, plus as well as on recommended tests, medicines and airfare, accommodation for regular departures, totally more than EUR 20 000.