My name is Barbara and I turned 53 in August. The most painful moment in my tragic life was when, on 6 September 2000, I lost my 20-month-old son, who bled to death in my arms at a Hungarian clinic following a surgical procedure. Twelve years later, my son, who was born after that, was diagnosed with bone cancer.

We went through some terrible years.

I now have two children, who are adults.

The pain I had endured caused my marriage to break down, as grief drove a wedge between me and my husband, with whom I shared different cultures, nationalities and religions.

Five years ago, I met my new partner, with whom I have been living for four years. He has no children.

Three years ago, when I was 50, we embarked on an IVF programme because we really wanted a baby, and I long terribly for a happy, successful pregnancy and a healthy baby. Unfortunately, due to my age, we were no longer accepted in Hungary, nor in the neighbouring cities of Brno or Bratislava; in practice, our only option was Cyprus, specifically the Turkish part. We went through five rounds of donor IVF, which used up almost all our savings. I became pregnant with twins during the first cycle, but sadly I miscarried a month and a half later. Following that, I had two so-called chemical pregnancies, and in two instances the implantation process didn’t even begin.

I wanted to go to a more precise, professional IVF centre that still accepts patients of my age, so I was referred to Dr Robert Kiltz’s clinic in Syracuse, USA. We have now completed four IVF cycles there as well, the last of which almost succeeded. Once again, as before, the pregnancy started but then ended in a miscarriage. (It’s called empty follicle syndrome.) We are currently preparing for our fifth treatment abroad, but we are completely in debt due to the procedures so far and the purchase of donor eggs, which cost $500 each. We have bought 20 so far, from which 10 embryos were created, and we used two per transfer. At the moment, travel costs, flight tickets, and the costs of medication and tests are a huge burden on our family, yet I would very much like to have a few more attempts and I can’t wait to hold a little baby in my arms. To this end, I am doing everything my doctors have recommended, such as managing my diabetes fully through diet and medication, changing my lifestyle, losing weight, and so on.

My only dream right now is to be a happy mum. Please, if you can help with this, support our cause! I am so grateful for every little bit of help!

Hi, my name is Barbara.

Our truly painful story began after my second son, Nail, was diagnosed with leukaemia. He was only 14 months old. He was born very overweight, because nobody had diagnosed me with gestational diabetes. He weighed 5,280 grams and was 59 centimetres tall, and the doctor at the hospital did not give me permission for a caesarean section. I cried and begged him, but I had to give birth to him naturally. This was the first major case of medical malpractice in our lives.

Nail responded well to cancer treatment, but because they realised too late that he had leukaemia, the cancer had metastasised to his right ear. After six months of chemotherapy, the doctors decided to operate on his ear. He was 20 months old. Following an emergency operation in the A&E department of an adult hospital, he passed away in my arms, having lost too much blood during the procedure. The second major case of medical malpractice cost him his life. The surgeon thought it was not cancer, but merely an infection, and did not close the wound or insert a drain. He did not suture the wound to drain the pus, but it was a bleeding tumour. There was no doctor with us in the ward, so I shouted in vain for help. His last words were: “Mum.” A part of me died that day too, along with him.

The following year, I had my third son, Rinat, whose name means rebirth. I could not find happiness in pregnancy and childbirth; I was deeply depressed and for seven years I just cried and cried. Twelve years later, in 2012, on the same day as my son Nail, my third son, Rinat, was diagnosed with bone cancer (osteosarcoma). That dark day was 20 March. My first thought was: all four of us – because we also had a child seven years older, named Gengis – let’s get in a car and crash into a lorry and die together. I told myself: I can’t go through this again.

But Rinat came to me and said: Mum, I don’t want to die. And he cried. In that moment, I knew that I would fight for his life like a lioness and stand by his side until my last breath. We had no money because we live in Eastern Europe, near the Austrian border, where wages are very low. The average wage is now less than 800 euros a month. I was absolutely convinced that I would raise the money to treat him if I had to, but I would take him to a developed country for treatment. That is exactly what happened. Finally, in England, in London, he underwent chemotherapy and a successful operation, which saved his leg, though he now has a metal prosthetic in his left leg. A metal rod has been implanted from his hip to his ankle. I spent a year in hospital with him.

Now Rinat is 23 years old and has been admitted to university in the Netherlands (Arnhem), and I have been paying his tuition fees and rent for a year now. He started his degree in communication last September. He is very smart and, most importantly, he is alive!

My eldest son, Gengis, now 30, has never been able to cope with his brother’s death. He has severe borderline personality disorder and autism; he lives in the same house as me, and I support him. He cannot work because of his mental health problems and panic attacks, so I give him small jobs in my business. I work as a coach, helping people to recover from abusive relationships.

During those tragic times, my marriage to my husband broke down because he was Muslim and I am Christian, and our grief kept us apart. We were both in so much pain; we had no energy left for one another. He also had mental health problems and lost his job.

I spent almost 20 years working with dying children and their families in the children’s hospice. This is how I found redemption, because I could never forgive myself for not being able to protect my son from death. After 20 years, I was very tired of being surrounded by dying children.

I got divorced, moved house and started a new life, completely from scratch. My children followed me. I have been working as a coach since 2018.

I worked 12–14 hours a day to pay for everything and to support my children.

In 2020, I met my current partner, Joseph, who is 17 years younger than me. He is quiet and modest, and works as an accountant. I had never received so much love from anyone; the feeling that I was important and that someone hugged me every day was new to me. He has no children.

He is the most wonderful man, apart from my children, whom God has sent into my life. I felt as though I had a chance at a new life with him. We decided to start a family and have children. Unfortunately, I was almost 50 at the time, so my own eggs were unsuitable for conception, so we began IVF using donor eggs. In Hungary, the state does not fund IVF treatment for women over the age of 42. We could only afford most of the medication ourselves, without government subsidies. In Europe, there are few options for IVF treatment for women over 50, and time was running out for us. We ended up in the Turkish part of the capital of Cyprus (Nicosia). We had five IVF treatments there over two years, and we ran out of money, even though we both worked 16 hours a day. We had one miscarriage (6 weeks), two chemical pregnancies, and on two occasions the embryo did not implant at all. We never had genetic testing. Nobody gave us any advice on how to improve our chances of success with IVF. The last IVF was in Cyprus in April 2023 and I really believed it would work. Unfortunately, there was no proper medical support, and we didn’t even speak to the doctor. There are 20 IVF procedures a day, carried out by one or two doctors.

As the due date would have been the birthday of my angel son, Nailka, I saw it as a sign from above. I was due to give birth on 3 January 2024. This meant a great deal to me. He was born on 3 January 1999 and died on 6 September 2000.

Unfortunately, the IVF failed again. I completely broke down.

I started watching an American doctor, Dr Robert Kiltz’s YouTube channel every day. I wrote him a letter and he replied. I felt I couldn’t give up yet. I know we’ll be in good, caring, loving hands at CNY’s. For the first time in our lives, we feel that we are getting real help and care with the IVF programme. More than anything, I want to have a happy and peaceful pregnancy and become a mother again, and for my partner, Joseph, to become a father for the first time in his life.

We have hope again, which has grown into faith, and thank you for being there and keeping the spirit alive in us.

I wrote a book to commemorate my little angel son. I couldn’t publish the book – I don’t know how to sell on Amazon and I don’t have the money for marketing – but I’d be happy to send it to you in English if you’d like to read our story.

I believe that the sun will smile on us and we will finally be happy together. I often dream of my little twins, a boy and a little girl... I hope this dream will come true one day and my destiny will be fulfilled.

In the US, at the CNY clinic in Syracuse, we’ve had four failed transfers; we’ll have the last one in a few days, and we need to create new embryos with an egg donor, pay for the procedure, and try again. For me, the cost of travelling to and staying in the US is too much right now, because with nine IVF (frozen embryo transfer) attempts over the past three years, I’ve completely run myself into debt. I really want to finally hold this baby in my arms. Please help me succeed in my 10th and, if necessary, subsequent IVF programme. I often don’t have the money for the additional recommended medications and treatments. I am grateful for any help!

I would like to use the money to cover the costs of the donor egg and the IVF procedure, which amount to around EUR 16,000, as well as the recommended tests, medicines, airfare and accommodation for regular trips, totalling more than EUR 20,000.