Hi, my name is Tomek, I'll tell you a little about my story so you can understand me better. I haven't known my father since birth, he was also a drug addict and when I was a newborn, he told his parents that he was going after me, but he sat in a den and took drugs. My mother is a wonderful woman, but I was a failure when she was 19. She had no idea about raising children. She was with me for a year, then she had to go to college and my nanny, aunt and grandmother took care of me, which is why I developed a greater emotional bond with my aunt and grandmother. In the meantime, my mother met a new partner, got married to him, and when I was 8 years old they told me that he was not the real father and wanted to adopt me, and that's what happened. Goals life I was abandoned first by my mother who had to study, then by my nanny, then by all my peers because my parents decided to move to the countryside, from the beginning I told them for years that I didn't want to live there because I was lonely, but no one was home he didn't take my feelings into account, not only on this matter.My only friend was the computer and games and pornography, which an older friend showed me at the age of 9, and porn and masturbation then became my first serious addiction, which lasts all the time (, not for the time being, because I have zero addiction to morphine libido). I had two friends in primary school and we broke up in the same way in junior high school. All my life and my friends were from the Internet, from Facebook groups dominated by hate, aggression, ridicule of weak disabled people, generally everyone wanted to provoke other people as much as possible and then brag about the reaction of outraged Poles. There I found for the first time people whose personalities were similar to my more introverted one. I started dating them in real life and first they gave me alcohol, then marijuana, then a lot of substances to take in clubs: amphetamine, mephedrone, ecstasy and cocaine.It sounds really bad, but compared to what happened next, it was nothing. It was during one of these club events that I met people I knew from these groups and we liked each other very much. They invited me to their place and then they showed me oxycodone. When I tried it for the first time, it was the moment when I knew what I wanted to do in life - take opiates. After a few months, I couldn't cope anymore, I was taking drugs every day and I couldn't cope, and this had an impact on school and my relationship with my parents, and here I added that my parents were divorced just before I tried drugs, then I started treatment at the monarchy, but that it didn't do anything. After half a year, the first treatment attempt was made and I left after 5 days. I came home a few days later, getting high with my favorite friend, and when I got home in the morning I found out he was dead. It was a great excuse in my head to start taking it intravenously and that's what I did for 2 years and the last 6 months every day. Then I finally went to treatment, first detox, where the psychiatrist in charge of the ward felt my ass, I was crying, and the next day he brought me merci, while everyone in the ward was sitting, what happened. Then I started a year of therapy at the center in Bielsko-Biała. I must admit, it was damn hard, especially the first 6 months. Then I fell in love with this place, but as usual, I couldn't maintain relationships with these people and after finishing therapy, our contact with them was minimal. Immediately after leaving, I started another therapy, as if it would continue from March 2023 (graduation of the center) to October 2023 (completion of therapy). Then I dealt with my next problem, sex addiction, and I signed up for therapy for it. At the end of the year, I accidentally met a partner who completely charmed me. I decided to change and stop dating girls just for sex and I asked her if we would be a couple, and of course she agreed. However, after the new year, I had a big crisis in my life, everything was very tiring, and I could talk about it too rarely. At work, I came up with a brilliant idea to take a loan for 50k and invest in crypto. Maybe it would have worked, but my gambling addiction kicked in and I lost a total of 90k. Then I went back to taking drugs as hard as when I finished. From March until now, all the days I have been sober could fit on the fingers of both hands, I take huge doses of morphine (3 grams a day intravenously), plus clonazepam and sometimes mephedrone. I want to get treatment, but I have to repay the loan and pay for the apartment with my partner, and I also have to be there and work. Depending on how much money I collect, I will choose a worse/cheaper detox and if the full amount is paid, I will also choose centers so that I can fully recover, if not, I am now waiting for the methadone program i.e. replacing the drug addiction with a substance that is not that intoxicating, the problem is that most people either give up and take other drugs at that time or stay on this program for the rest of their lives. What more can I say? I now live with a lot of stress and a sense of hopelessness, I'm thinking about ending it... I sleep a lot of the day, and even when I wake up, I look at my phone to escape from reality, less stress, and of course I also work. My partner is blindly in love with me, otherwise she would have dumped me a long time ago, but she would be very happy if I took up a relationship. Then I could also tell my parents about it, and they would definitely help me, but I hide it from them. I admire how you read to the end. Thank you very much in advance for your donations and help, because it is saving my life now.