Hi,

i don’t even know where to begin..

i tried everything but it didn’t work so here i am.

I’ve been in a relationship for over a 5 years now. Its a toxic one and i dont know how much longer i can take this. He has a drinking problem and when he drinks he gets abusive. For some time i thought that maybe i am the problem? My mom was an alcoholic too and my dad left us when i was 6 so growing up with my mom was a real challenge to me. I did even try to unalive myself when i was 16. Now that i am in this relationship and struggle to get out.. im thinking about it again. I have a really huge debt thanks to him, because all of our money goes to alcohol, cigarettes and gambling. I do have my own bank account but in this picture u can see what happens everytime i tell him that i will not give him MY money. I actually had to call police on this day cause i was really scared. We are without power for over 9 months now, because even tho i gave him money every month to pay it- he didnt. This is actaully last pic of me enjoying my peace and taking a bath. Since than i only have cold showers. If it wasnt for my cats i wouldn’t be here. I know it sound cheesy but the idea of them living with him.. He once broke my cats leg.. I still owe money to my vet. 

There so much more i would like to tell you but i cant even formulate a sentence now. Sorry for my english, its not my main language..

The thing is i really need money to get out. I have no one who would help me, literally. I do work but i have minimum wage and all of my money goes to his addictions…I know that its pathetic to ask for money, i never did.. iv been working since i was 14 because no one would give me nothing for free. But this time i have to swallow my ego and my pride and ask you.. Its okay if you dont have any or dont want to, i get it. But if there is someone somewhere who have a spare money and want to help me.. Thank you.. 

i promise myself every birthday that this is last year here with him.. But this year its gonna be 6 years and i really dont know how much longer i can lie to myself.. 

Thank you so much for reading all of this..